keeping it wonderful

in the past couple of months i've been learning a lot about myself. that sounds a little silly, but its true. i've been discovering things that are truly enjoyable to me, and things that i am learning to let go of because they aren't important.

something i've discovered is that i am very passionate. i feel everything very deeply. i almost just started crying writing that. i'm not sure why, but feeling everything very deeply is sometimes a bit overwhelming. (this sounds a little ridiculous writing. a little dramatic maybe, but its really just how i feel). when im happy (which is thankfully most of the time) i am so so happy. i get butterflies because life is just awesome. 

& when im sad, i feel it and it feels so so sad. 

& thankfully i don't get mad too often, but when i do, i feel like i could hold a grudge for forever. bless my sweet husband because my grudges are usually only against him (which i understand that is not how it should be, but that is just what happens) he is so patient with me & i am a LOT better at not holding grudges (thanks to my love) as long as i used to be able to. 

& then there is the worrying. i am a worrier. i always have been & i always will be. i've come to accept that, and often have to pray to my Heavenly Father to send me comfort & help me know everything will be ok. i am a professional at making even the most wonderful thing a worry. and sometimes this dark feeling rushes over me at random (anxiety) and it just feel cloudy, which i then become sad about basically nothing. 

i've learned and am still learning to trust in my Heavenly Father with every single bit of me because he is constant, and knows what is best for me & the best ways to help me. 

& back to me being passionate. over the last couple of months i've discovered these extremely strong feelings towards social media. especially instagram. it is such a wonderful place to stay connected with friends & family. or to grow a business. or just to journal (which i do, and post to my hearts content). however, it just keeps coming to my attention more & more people lusting after other people and their lives. im a woman. and mostly only follow other women. so the majority of lusting that i've seen is obviously between women. it makes my heart feel anxious and sad. 

when i see these comments "can i be you??" or "goals" or "give me your ....." & the list goes on, i start to think about Heavenly Father. I think about how he made us each individually so different. HE MADE US. How cool is that. He Our Father in Heaven made US!!! He is perfect & has knowledge of all, & he made us the way we are because that is who he needed here on earth. not for us to be pining over someone elses looks or life. He made us to become our best US. not our best somebody else.

now speaking to my babies (and future babies): please oh please remember your individual worth. please oh please remember that you don't need to take a perfect picture to be happy. when we are all up in heaven one day we will have the opportunity to look back at our lives, & we aren't going to be looking for the perfect pictures we took. we will be looking at what good we did & if we did any. please please please remember that YOU are enough. you are you because that is who i need. who your daddy needs. who your future spouse needs. who your future children need. and who your Heavenly Father needs. i dont know what life will be like in 15+ years, but i have a feeling things are going to progress in the social media department & i pray that we all can remember to use social media for good. to spread this gospel. to update our families & friends on life. & to find people to serve or someone who might need to be uplifted.

i feel like i'm completely scattered right now. hopefully this all makes sense.

social media is a wonderful place but can also be scary, & i just hope to keep it wonderful always.

I WON!

I won. I won the bet! $25!! Which means.... we got the house! We are so excited. I get to grow a garden, & I keep getting butterflies about it! I also keep picturing our summer nights playing outside until the boys are just completely exhausted. & eating popsicles & popsicles on end. On another note, its nap time right now for both my babies. They usually sleep from 1-4 but today they are both screaming in their beds. Hm. It's only 2:30. If they don't fall asleep I'm going to have some very happy children!!

turning tummies

So! Sunday we went & walked through the home. It was everything we wanted & thought it would be. Whew! What a relief! It's a darling home (& clean, which made me very happy). The yard is a dream come true, & if we get it (we find out tomorrow) I can already picture our family playing outside all year long, seriously! There's a hallway in the home, so if you're standing by the doors that go out to the backyard, you can see it leads from the laundry room to the kitchen & then to the family room. My brain just imagined our boys running down the hallway screaming and yelling. It made my heart flutter a little! We didn't want it to be too good to be true, but honestly I have such a comforting feeling about this, I think it'll work out! & if not, I know it's not the place we are supposed to be. My stomach is turning with excitement & my husbands is turning because of nervousness that we won't get it. We actually made a bet! I said we would get it, & he guessed otherwise. $25 is on the line & I can't wait to accept my payment tomorrow! I do though worry about my little Rilo bug. He loves our home now, & I completely understand that we cannot live here forever. Especially because currently we share a room with our youngest. But it still makes my mama heart hurt knowing that he will be sad leaving our current place. I have a whole month to pray extra hard for him to feel completely comfortable in the new house.

My husband made me watch The Visit with him tonight. Yikes!!!! I told him if I could get me a sodalicious I would watch it with him. He happily said "yes". I don't know what I was thinking. I hate scary movies. As scary as it was, there were a few parts that made me belly laugh. However, no more scary movies for me! They make me scream & sweat & I can't stop thinking about anything scary afterwards. 

I have to go now. I'm in bed and sonny is starting to cry. I'm excited for us to have our own room again! We will know for sure if that's happening tomorrow. Can't wait!!!

                calm as a clam↓             ↓nervous nelly

Hi it's us!

Hi! I'm currently talking to myself. So technically it's just Hi to myself. My brain is racing tonight, partly because of my 44oz just friends from sodalicious & another part because we happened to find a home that would be perfect for our little family & we are walking through it tomorrow!!!! Anyway, Hi Madeleine (that's me). Over the years I've had multiple blogs and tonight I dusted some of them off & was so happy I did!!! My blogs truly served as a journal, which I am awful at & wish I was a lot better. Hand exhausted is a real deal. I am so glad I had those blogs previously because I had written down so many things I have forgotten about, which were actually important to me. So here it goes, another blog. Im wishing myself some luck because i really want this one to stick.
Like i said, tomorrow we get to go look through that home. My stomach is all knotted because I want it to work out so badly. We're coming on three years in our current town home. It worked great when it was just my husband, me, & our little rilo. But sweet sonny came along quickly after and he's now a one year old sharing a room with his parents! I've tacked up sheets so he can't see us, but he's a little genius and knows we are in there with him & will scream his darling head off until I get him out of bed. We just need something that's affordable, but will also accommodate with our growing family. Which this is house completely does! It even has a fenced yard(!!!!!!!!!) which I have been begging for a year now. We are doing a walk through tomorrow after church & I can hardly wait!

Also, Hi it's us! Meaning Hi! It's Madeleine, Karson, Rilo, & Sonny.